I can hear what people are thinking. Not the crazy I hear voices kind of way but more like I make up what people are really saying or not saying when they are around me and I believe it to be true.
I go to target for the second time because the first time I forgot my coupons and I am that cheap. I noticed my favorite cashier Zachary. Again yes, I go to Target enough to have a favorite cashier. His line has two people in it. I notice the cashier next to him has no one in their lane and she is eying everyone who walks bye.
We made eye contact. Now I couldn't just ignore the fact that her lane was empty and go to the one I want. Plus, I didn't want to look crazy when she surely would call me over to her lane by saying "no I want to stand in this long line instead of not waiting."
In order to avoid the situation I pretended to look at the DVD's near the checkout lanes. I saw her watching me. She was thinking look at the weird chick who is wondering awkwardly. I think she is shoplifting. Maybe she'll shove a DVD in her kids pocket along with the 6 cars he has in there.
Maybe that's not what she was thinking, but that's what I heard.
Eventually I make my way to my desired line trying to look at the overpriced candy and ignore the fact that I stood in a line when there were now 2 other empty lanes.
My son decided at this point that he would start roaring like a lion. Only he sounds like a pirate lion and says Arrrr! instead. As Zachary is scanning my items and I look for my coupon in my purse I notice the girl checker looking at me and thinking I stole something. I can hear her glare now. Trying to avoid eye contact with the girl in the next lane I pull out my coupons.
Then Zachary says " I thought he was going to eat me." I looked at him trying to process what was happening and he busts out laughing at me and the dumbfounded look on my face. Now I'm being accused of shoplifting in one girl's mind and Zachary thinks my son is going to eat him. Fabulous.
At least Zachary tells me the crazy things he's thinking so I don't have to make them up myself. He thinks he's funny and never denies a coupon. That's why he's my favorite by the way.
That's my life. I did get 28 socks, nail polish remover, and a Blues clues DVD for $8 though.