Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Texas, you amuse me

Since moving to Texas I have found several things that amuse me, or at least make me wonder.
  1. You can by season tickets to high school football!  If your from Texas you are probably thinking that your family had them at some point and this isn't odd at all.  Let me tell you it's weird, plain and simple.  I can see it if you kids is on the football team but other than that it's a little too Varsity Blues for me.  Seriously, you have nothing better to do on Friday night than go to high school football games?
  2. In Austin there is a street named Guadalupe, pronounce guad- ah- loop with a hard g.  If you pronounce it any other way, i.e. properly or even the white version of properly, no one has a clue what you are talking about and they will look at you as if you have two heads.
  3. There are people here that really believe California is going to fall off into the ocean with the next big earthquake.  I realize not all Texans believe this but the amount that do, or at least feel the need to tell me when I say that I'm from California, is astounding.  Seriously, take some earth science.
  4. Though I said I never would I catch myself saying y'all.  It's hard not too when everyone around you uses it.  Come on y'all I've been here 7 years.  
  5. Where have all the cowboys gone? I just found out that a cowboy is a real job.  This may be obvious but I had no idea that you could get a job as a cowboy.  Really how cool would it be to say you're a cowboy.  It'd be awesome.  Unfortunately, some of my hubby's friends busted my bubble this week by telling me that it's not as great as I dreamed and that cowboys get paid little and work way too hard.  It is a bottom of the barrel job.  You know they have to get girls when they say they are a cowboy though, so there are perks.
  6. College football is bigger than professional football. I think it's harder to get a ticket to a UT football game than to the Superbowl, unless you're a student.  When I tell people that my college didn't even have a football team they are shocked.  Really, what's college without football? Um, it's sorority life!
PS I love living in Texas, even if sometimes you make me wonder.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Keep Your Opinions to Yourself!

Recently Little Man and I had to take a trip to the post office.  I can't stand the post office!  Unfortunately, I sold some stuff on eBay and then my printer decided it hated me so I couldn't print the shipping labels.  Hence the need to visit the post office.

Little Man and I enter the post office and I remember why I don't like going there.  Only one person is working, 5 people are in line and it is dead silent, or at least it was silent until I entered with a 2 year old.

I needed to fill out forms and get a flat rate box for one order. 

Little Man decided to fill the silence with a little singing.  Really what's more fun when you're two than singing loudly in a room that echos. 

I hushed him but he told me "Mommy, I'm singing!"  I thought about it and decided that the post office could use a little cheer.
We stand in line longer.

Little man starts his rendition of Veggietales "If. You. Like. To. Talk. To. Amatoes! If a smile! I got a show for you! Buddy Tales, Buddy Tales, Buddy Tales!"

He sang really loud so I hushed Little Man again.  I didn't care if he sang I just didn't want him to yell.  He quieted down and continued to sing.  

Eventually we made it to the counter when I hear a lady talking.  Since up until this point the only person who has made any noise is Little Man I turn around.

A lady, who is wearing a matching track suit with her 9 year old daughter, is looking at an old lady and explaining that you don't know the situation and sometimes you can't spank a child.  What if he is a foster kid?

Suddenly I realize that this lady is defending me to the old lady! 

Old Lady:  Well in my day you took a kid outside and spanked them when they didn't listen.

Lady in Track Suit:  Well you don't know her situation.

Old Lady:  I don't care kids these days need to obey their parents.

Me to the lady behind the counter: Laughing.  Well now I'm just going to let him sing. :) I proceed to ignore Little Man while they argue

Lady behind the counter: puzzled expression. Do you want shipping confirmation?

I paid for my packages and left laughing. 

I wanted to tell the old lady that he was a foster kid or that he had some sort of disorder to make her feel bad.  Instead I ignored her completely.

Really, I never told Little Man to stop just to hush.  Even if he had been doing something wrong there is no way I would have gotten out of line to spank him.  If I did that I would have been at the post office for years!  

Old lady there are no rules about not singing in the post office.  Believe me I'm a rule follower.

Lady in the track suit thanks for helping a momma out!

Saturday, October 8, 2011


Little Man is a Blue's Clues addict. 

Most of his Blue's Clues are on VHS, mostly because I'm cheap and I can buy them at garage sales for $0.50 but also because it is hard to find Blue's Clues DVDs.  Nearly every Blue's Clues tape he owns (about 12) has a commercial for Peanuts movies in the beginning.  You know, Charlie Brown and Snoopy.  The ads are a few minutes long with a catchy tune and have brainwashed my son in to thinking he loves Peanuts.

After a few weeks with his Blue's clues videos Little Man points to the TV and says Peanuts dog, meaning Snoopy.  Except he didn't say the "t."   If you haven't already try saying peanuts with out the t.  That's right Little man was saying penis dog.  Awesome.

Since changing a 2 year old's mind works so well I tried to split up the word pea nuts.  He said it and I thought all was well.  Nope.  He keeps talking about penis dog.

Since my sister in law is amazing I told her about the way Little Man says peanuts and she laughed.  Considering his affinity for corn (porn as he calls it) she couldn't resist making Little Man say peanuts.  She even brought corn to dinner just so Little Man would say I love porn.

Fast forward one week:
So there we are on a street in from of a wing place and my fabulous sister in law is trying to record my son telling him to say peanuts and corn.  Penis porn he says smiling.  Luckily for Little Man's future the video didn't come out.  

My sister in law made an impression though and now, weeks later, he randomly says penis porn.  Luckily even our pastor finds it funny.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Porn in the produce aisle

It's not what your thinking.  This post isn't about naked people so get your mind out of the gutter! :)

Little Man is 2 and though he can make the c and k sounds he for some reason calls corn porn.  I'm not sure why he does it but no matter how I try he continues.

A few weeks ago Little Man and I had a fun adventure at the grocery store.

While walking through the produce section Little Man spies the corn. He starts yelling "porn, porn, porn!"  Now the little old ladies are staring at me with disgust.  Apparently they weren't looking for porn in the produce aisle.

We continue shopping and awhile latter Little Man remembers that we didn't get any corn and proceeds to yell at me "I wan Porn!"  Meanwhile a guy in his twenties is trying not to laugh while he picked out his cereal.  I plead with Little Man telling him that we have CORN at home.  Making sure the emphasize corn for everyone around.  Now the moms around me are smiling.  They've been here before.

We make it to the freezer section with no more talk of porn.  Unfortunately, I buy frozen corn fairly often and Little Man knows this.  He starts crying out, "I wan porn. I wan porn, I wan PORN!"  Now people are staring.  I sternly tell Little Man, "no, no porn, we have porn at home." Wait. What?  Yep, now I'm saying porn and lots of people are staring.  Moms are quickly pushing their carts away from the freezer section and these porn addicts.

Quickly I try to recover, " no not porn, its corn, CORN."  It's too late.  Everyone already thinks my son wants porn.

Oh well.  At least my kid eats fruits and vegetables, even if he does call corn porn.

That's the life of a mom.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Next Blog>>

Because I like randomness and becaise I like to know what's out there in the world when I need a little entertainment I like to go the next blog.  If you don't know what I'm talking about it's a button way up ont the top left when you are reading a blog powered by blogger.

I think the blogs are supposed to be somehow related do that you will find them interesting.  I've found a few gems by doing this.  Sometimes I read the blog, sometimes I skim, many times a move along quickly, and sometimes I just laugh.

Here's my last next blog experience with commentary of course.

I started out at a day in the life of the mrs (a cute blog written by a mom of 5 who never capitolizes.

Next blog>> Duncanville (lots of cute family pics.  Makes me realize I don't take enough pictures when we are out)

Next blog>> Tamis cancer kicking blog (line 1 "Before Tami passed away.."  That's all I need to know, next blog)

Next Blog>> Katie Malia (teen girl without much to say, pass)

Next Blog>> Alpaca Info (Seriously? There is a blog about alpaca.  It reminds me of the llama down the street from my high school in Orange County.  Totally random.)

Next blog>> Hope for Leo (Leo died.  Seriously?!  This is not as much fun as it should be.)

Next Blog>> Inspired Jewelry By Ann Burke (Really cute jewelry, mostly beaded.  She has an Etsy shop.  This could be bad.)

Next Blog>> Lagaz Design (Native American art meats Picasso)

Next Blog>> Country Mouse City Mouse (Cute.  Plus she's hosting a giveaway.  I'll be back)

Next Blog>> Feed the Fat Girl (By the title alone I think this is a blog for me.  After reading, I won't be back)

Next Blog>> LOL Manuscripts (Seriously funny illustrations from the Renaissance)

Next Blog>>History in the Raw (I love real history and this is a great blog.  Lots of interesting facts I'm following so I remember to go back.)

Next Blog>> Andando por el mundo (Que?)

Next Blog>> Fish School Blog (This is seriously about training your pet fish to do tricks1  There are videos and everything.  There is nothing new on here since December but I'm pretty sure that the info HAS to be good.  I think my goldfish Fred and Ethel are about to learn some new tricks.

With that I leave you.

Try out the next blog button sometime.  You never know what you'll find!

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Don't do it!

I love Ikea.  Enough so that I was willing to drive 3 hours to the one in Houston on several occasions before they built one a mere 1 and a half hours away.  I even drove there with my crazy old neighbor once, but that's a different post.

Since I was going to a party relatively near Ikea today I just had to stop by.

I pull into the parking lot and it is packed.  No problem I tell myself.  I mean really Ikea is a huge store.  We park fairly quickly and head for a cart.  Little man is still too small for their small town kids area so I put him in the cart.

I step inside the store and literally cannot walk.  There are people everywhere.  I love too people watch and if you read my last post you know that I can hear what others are thinking so this surely would be fun for me.  I started walking and suddenly felt like I was stuck in a rip tide.  I had to keep walking at the right speed.  Too fast and I hit the man in front of me.  He was obviously dragged there with his wife and was thinking save me from this torture.  I slowed down a little to check out a TV stand and the lady behind me looked at me like I had just beat her child.  Quickly I got out of the way and hid by some chairs for protection.

Eventually the crowd cleared and I continued on my way.  There were lost of couples designing and arguing over their dream rooms.  Most of the men were trying to find a chair in every area.  My favorite was all of the soon to be college students with their parents.

One mom and daughter were trying to figure out if a 12 inch platter was supposed to be a regular plate.
Mom:  Oh look at this plate. (holds it up)
Daughter:  That's glass.
Mom: No it's plastic.
Daughter:  That's a huge plate.  You want me to get fat?
Mom:  I don't think it's a plate but it's cute.
Daughter:  Mom, it's a plate and I'm NOT getting fat in college.
Mom:  You won't get fat and it's not a plate.
Daughter: ugh, mom. ugh. (storms off)

By the way, it was a tray and plastic.  I saw them a few minute later while the mom was trying to convince her daughter that she would need a toilet brush for her toilet.

I love people.

We headed towards the kids room area and little man got out of the cart to play.  He loved the slide but $149 is way too much for me.  Many couples were trying to decide which room set would "grow" with their child.  One pregnant couple decided that a princess theme would be best because a girl will always want to be a princess.  I have a feeling they will end up with a tomboy. ;)

Next was food.  Kids eat free at Ikea this month and I love Swedish meatballs so this was perfect.  It was packed but since it was $3 something for the two of us I didn't care.  We ended up sitting in the kids area which meant I sat in a wobbly kids chair about 1 foot off the ground.  There was a man doing it so I figured the chair would hold me.  Surprisingly I didn't fall.  I ate quick, put little man's leftovers in a box for him to eat in the cart and continued on my way.  We finished shopping and left with little incident.

I love Ikea buy there was way too many people. I highly recommend NOT going on Saturday.  I love people but it was even a little much for me.  Not nearly as fun and relaxing as most of my trips.

I hear what you are thinking

I can hear what people are thinking.  Not the crazy I hear voices kind of way but more like I make up what people are really saying or not saying when they are around me and I believe it to be true.

Take Thursday.

I go to target for the second time because the first time I forgot my coupons and I am that cheap.  I noticed my favorite cashier Zachary.  Again yes, I go to Target enough to have a favorite cashier.  His line has two people in it.  I notice the cashier next to him has no one in their lane and she is eying everyone who walks bye.

We made eye contact. Now I couldn't just ignore the fact that her lane was empty and go to the one I want.  Plus, I didn't want to look crazy when she surely would call me over to her lane by saying "no I want to stand in this long line instead of not waiting."

In order to avoid the situation I pretended to look at the DVD's near the checkout lanes.  I saw her watching me.  She was thinking look at the weird chick who is wondering awkwardly.  I think she is shoplifting.  Maybe she'll shove a DVD in her kids pocket along with the 6 cars he has in there.

Maybe that's not what she was thinking, but that's what I heard.

Eventually I make my way to my desired line trying to look at the overpriced candy and ignore the fact that I stood in a line when there were now 2 other empty lanes.

My son decided at this point that he would start roaring like a lion.  Only he sounds like a pirate lion and says Arrrr! instead.  As Zachary is scanning my items and I look for my coupon in my purse I notice the girl checker looking at me and thinking I stole something.  I can hear her glare now.  Trying to avoid eye contact with the girl in the next lane I pull out my coupons.

Then Zachary says " I thought he was going to eat me." I looked at him trying to process what was happening and he busts out laughing at me  and the dumbfounded look on my face.  Now I'm being accused of shoplifting in one girl's mind and Zachary thinks my son is going to eat him.  Fabulous.

At least Zachary tells me the crazy things he's thinking so I don't have to make them up myself.  He thinks he's funny and never denies a coupon.  That's why he's my favorite by the way.

That's my life.  I did get 28 socks, nail polish remover, and a Blues clues DVD for $8 though.